Sunday, 8 January 2012

How not to approach a publisher # 1

I would not normally mock poets but I've just had another submission from someone offering their new book who had politely been told before that we were not reading submissions and asked not to send more... So I think he is fair game and it's a good email. My previous rejection is not referred to but my eager correspondent does refer to his previous email in which he attached 607 pages of poems as an attachment. He writes that as he hasn't heard from us he is optimistically sending the new collection. I like an optimist. This time he has gone for a more modest 210 pages as an attachment. It's a good job he did not send his collected works as he boasts that he has nearly 7,000 pages of poetry available. Not bad for someone aged 34. There is nothing to suggest his poetry which is "unique and has never ever been written before or experimented on the mortal planet by any mortal" is targeted at Five Leaves (whose poetry output last year was one small pamphlet) so I imagine there are many small publishers whose inboxes are blocked up. Nor do I imagine the person knows anything about poetry since he is asking for "an author advance and uninhibited distribution of my book via earth's major bookstores". But why stop at the earth for his books which are also on line so that we can "witness the extent of the spread of (his) poetry on the Internet"? After all, he has God on his side - heaven's best known literary critic has bestowed on my correspondent his, ie God's, "invincibly astounding grace on (him)". Good old God. Well, our list is full, but our correspondent suggests I could forward the email, with attachments, to "any of (my) esteemed contacts in the publishing industry." Now, what was the name of that editor at Faber?


Angela Barton said...

That's priceless!
You do sometimes wonder how people get through life don't you?
Now, while I've got you....I have a few hundred short stories I'd like you to see..... ;P

Ange (Nottm)

James Walker said...

I was asked to review a book of poems by a self-published author the other day. The only catch was I had to buy the book myself from Amazon! They were deadly serious.